Eggman's 'Evil' Diary
by Starlight the Wanderer
Summary: This is Eggman's Diary...I mean journal. It will not show you how to use the force, but it is intertaining. Find out what happens when things don't go exactly with the storyline, and people are out of character. Enter the Eggman.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Please tell me why I would want to own Eggman? If you can, I will be impressed. And, fortunately, I don't own Rouge either, but unfortunately, I don't own Shadow or the rest of them. *Cries* Now, enough idleness, on with the story! *Points to a brick wall* Um...where'd the story go?  
  
Eggman's 'Evil' Diary  
  
  
  
Dear Diary...harumph, I mean journal,  
  
Today that dratted blue hedgehog stole all of my chilidogs, I'm not kidding, he's such a nusance! I'm begining to think Shadow is having reality problems, and I need to never say 'Maria'. If I do, he goes into this weird flashback thingy!  
  
In other news, I need to buy new clothes today, my old ones have gotten too small. It's not easy being so evil, I mean, I've got to work 24/7 at it, and do I get thanks? NO! All that happens is that blue hedgehog defeats me! I hate him! I recently ordered a really evil looking cape from Evil Attire Catalog, I can't wait until it arives! I'm thinking of painting my Eggwalker, it's been that same color since...ever. I'm thinking of painting it a sinister shade of pink, but when I told this to Shadow, he just starting rolling around laughing, which makes me further question his sanity. Oh well, what does he know? Ahem, I've also got plans to decorate the Space Station Ark. Once I complete my designs for my showgirl robots and have foam hearts hung up everywhere, Sonic and his friends will not stand a chance! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!  
  
  
The Evil Genius,  
Eggman  
  
Dear beloved Diary,  
  
Grrrrr! I am so miserable today. Rouge's nail polish is makinig me have a headache, but she insists on putting it on anew every friggin hour! How is an evil genius supposed to work in these conditions!?  
  
To top it all off, Shadow said he was going to go say hi to Maria and show her all my beloved pink paint and foam hearts, which led to him dragging it all to the docking bay and opening the bay doors, yelling something about Elbereth or something. I managed to save him, but he's in medical, both for physical and mental problems.  
  
  
The Evil Genius in need of a break,  
Robutnick...grrrr...I mean Eggman  
  
Dear...why do I keep saying 'dear'? I'm evil, EVIL! Anyway, Dear Diary, (Grrrr)  
  
Aha! I have now found out a little bit of the mystery! I found a bottle of strange pills in Shadow's room, and also found a copy of 'Lord of the Rings' along with the movie made after it. That would explain what Shadow was saying. He is now seemingly cured, but strangly keeps on asking for a sharp object. I wonder why? I also found my beloved Eggwalker painted PURPLE!!!! Rouge will pay for this! As I write this, Shadow is in the prosess of tearing her apart. I wonder if it had anything to do with that fifty foot long list of questions she brought with her? Who can tell. Right now, I must go prepare for the invasion of the teletubies!....I mean the arrival of Sonic and his furry friends! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
A/N: So, do you like it? If you do, and I get enough reviews, I'll continue. Heck, if I get any reviews I'll continue. I'm not being self-conceited, merely wishing to know if anyone is reading my story. For now, so long! *Walks off and trips* 


	2. Can't quite remember Sonic's speices

Disclaimer: If I owned Eggman, I'd probably commit suicide. In other words, I don't own any of them! (Though I wish I owned Shadow)  
  
Eggman's 'Evil' Diary  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
  
Dear Evil Diary, (Mwahahahahaha!!!)  
  
Rouge's remains, though still alive, are hanging outside the space station while Shadow is using Chaos Control to hit it (I mean her) with asteroids. He is cackling manically while doing this! That's my job! I think he finally snapped. I invited my friends the Snapple Bunch to come to the party I'm throwing for Sonic and his fuzzy friends when they arrive. You see, it all started when I was redecorating the space station with what little materials I had left, and then I thought, "Hey, why don't I throw a party for Barny and his friends Babybop and Tinky-winky when they arrive?" I later remembered that it was that accursid blue porkypine who was coming, though I still had the preparations for the party going as ever. (I wonder if I could barbecue him...? Mmmmm.....yummy....) The space station Ark will soon fire it's cannon again. For that matter, why is it going to fire it's cannon? I can't remember. Oh yes, so I can build the Eggmanian Empire! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Soon, very soon...  
  
  
The Maliceful and Non-Merciful Evil Genius,  
Eggman  
  
  
  
Addressing Diary that I will call a journal since a Diary is girlish, and I don't want to say 'Dear',  
  
  
Rouge has returned, giving herself a manicure that in my opinion makes her look uglier than ever. Why did I ever let that stupid cat onto my team? Shadow seems to have regained his sanity, but keeps away from everybody and rocks back and forth in a dark corner of some abandoned room, and if anyone comes near him, starts screaming for them to get away. I think he has become an isolationist. I have completed my ultimate weapon, an invincible robot that cannot be even dented by Sonic and his gang. Mwa ha ha ha ha! I have put a large red self destruct button on it's forehead in case it malfunctions. They will never by able to defeat it! (Insert manical laughter here) With this, I won't even need the Ark's cannon. Because of this, I have started transforming the cannon into the universe's largest ketchup dispencer! Mwa ha ha ha ha! I will go down in the history books for this. Plus, when I threatened the world with the Ark's cannon, the national leaders just looked at me and started rolling on the floor laughing. I wonder why?  
  
  
I am the Eggman, that's what I am!  
  
  
  
  
Journal ever so dear,  
  
I have found out the cause for the national leaders' laughter. As it turns out, Shadow did the same as them, and that's when I discovered that Rouge had given me a makeover while I was asleep. Curse her! She now thinks she's Spider Man and is outside the colony climbing on the walls. I have painted my Eggwalker a sinister shade of pink like a had planned, but Shadow, who has regained complete sanity, exept for not touching anything and washing his hands often, just shook his head and said I was hopeless. What does that stupid, just thawed hedgehog know!? Sonic the woodchuck and his woodland friends should be arriving very soon, I am now making the final preparations, and have set weird blue things that I think look sorta like lava lamps everywhere. They were growing in my grandfathers bathroom. Now that I have all these great weapons, and have all six Chaos Emeralds, I can now go play with my chao, Eggie..........Wait, weren't there seven Chaos Emeralds? Oh yes, now I remember! Sonic the Echidna and his friends have the last one. This could present a problem. I'll go tell Shadow to get it back....As soon as I can get up...oh darn, now I've fallen onto the floor and am about to start rolling down the hall...bye Mr. Diary!  
  
  
Eggman..~~~~Help  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, what do you think of chapter two? Please review to tell me. And Eggman will probably be back from rolling down hallways if I can build a barrier with your reviews to stop him, so please review if you want to save Eggman....wait....nevermind, that would probably make you want to not review...darn. 


	3. The Great Eggnogian Empire

Dear Evil and Melevolent Diary,  
  
I managed to stop rolling when I ran into one of those anoying GUN robots that still seem to lurk about the station. I quickly dispatched it with only a little help from Shadow. Har-umph! Those people in the white clothes will never get me! They want me to come out, but I am deviously hiding under a table. They will never find me! Sonic and his lil' bro and big bro arrived in some weird location of the colony that I haven't fixed up yet, so they missed my great party. Oh well, they're the ones that missed out. Shadow has gone to meet them.  
  
  
The greatest EVIL scientific mind of this era,  
Eggman  
  
Hey, you...yeah, you....who else am I talkin' to, the desk your sitting on?,  
  
I don't think negotiations are going too well, as Shadow hasn't returned and I found a bunch of empty bottles in his room. Now we have a drunken ultimate life form, a fasion lunitic that vaguely resembles Marolin Monroe, and myself, the greatest scientific mind of the century! We cannot be stopped! ...wait. I CANNOT BE STOPPED! There! Haha! Well, on to other news...the Ark Cannon is just about ready to hurl a giant glob of ketchup at the Earth, covering it in tomatoy goodness! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha! Dr. Evil has NOTHIN' ON THIS! Because I'm the greatest, I'm the best, I'm the one who took Knuckles' underpants!  
  
The insanely evil genius of geniuses,  
Eggman  
  
Dear...To...Adressing...Concerning...oh, whatever!,  
  
I just got a transmission from the nightclub in the easter section of the Ark. It turns out Shadow was too drunk and fell off the bridge when him and that dratted blue hedgepig were fighting! What a dolt! Rouge said she would take care of Knuckles, and that will at least get one of the blue menace's fuzzy furred friends out of my hair for awhile! ...but I can't help but wonder why she was putting on lipstick? Oh well, I'm sure she will when against that...whatever he is! ...now that I think about it, she was putting on a dress and saying something about a date...I wonder what date she is talking about? The thirty-first or thirty-second? Well, I can't be bothered with that now, as that frilly fox is about to arrive! Little does he know that I've already captured Sonic's girlfriend! Mwa ha ha ha ha! To keep her contented, we played dress up...but now I don't have the time to change, so this pink tutu will have to do as me and Miles Tails Prower engage in mortal combat! MWA! My dream will be realized, and the Eggnogian Empire will come into being! *Insert evil laughter here*  
  
(A/N: Well, that's that! How'd you like that for the third installment of Eggman's 'Evil' Diary'? At least I tried. I'll see what I can do about the next one, and probably the last one. Please review if you can possibly find the time! C'mon! I know your lunchbreak has at least five more minutes! Review! C'mon! I'll sick Eggman on you if you don't! I'm warning you! ...wait, I have to stop talking first, don't I? Ah...oh well, BYE!) 


End file.
